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New year. Losing a mentor and gaining a sense of self.

Hello to all. Some of you know who I am, but most of you don't. If you do, hello and thank you for taking a look. If you are new, welcome. I will let you know that I am a skills facilitator (which means I help people live the best life they can, by working on positive behaviors to develop positive life skills.)

I have been a facilitator since 2016 but I really have been doing this work long before that, I just didn't know it.

Like everyone, I have had a wild last few years and 2023 was a whirlwind for me most of all. I was able to work with some amazing groups, horses and create some incredible programs. But I also had a huge blow- I lost my mentor.

In a unpredictable way.

No my mentor did not pass away or anything tragic, so let's not go there. I lost my mentor in a way I could not imagine.

For years this person has been such a big part of my life. She helped me grow, and think constructively and move my ideas in a way that I could have never imagined.

Then we started to have a lack in conversation as happens when people are busy.

I saw this as just that and continued on my way. However sometimes when you start to grow and change people do not always like it. She showed me that.

So it was most surprising when I branched out in a way I never had before, she completely tried to not just stop me from doing so-she tried to shame me into stopping my programs and courses.

All with herself in mind.

I was so hurt and confused. Never once did she ask how I was going about my work, never once did she inquire or congratulate me as a mentor could do about taking the leap in my field.

She was blunt, crude, dismissive, told me I had no integrity and then said "business is business".

Then a short time later had the audacity to try to get me to hire her to work on some of the horses here.


What?


This sent my mind and heart into a dark place. But all things happen the way they should.

I am excited about the new year, and new work for myself and the clients I get to work with. This experience has caused me to do some very deep internal surveying. I had to take stock and stick with my own original ideas and ways of working.

It made me see that everyone comes into your life for (as the saying goes) a reason or a season. Maybe sometimes it's both? It brings me comfort to admit that hurt so very much and to concede that some of the things I saw as lessons really were just that! But not at all in the way I perceived them at the time.

Where I saw guidance, there was actually manipulation.

I have reviewed all the lessons and have been able to use her "advice" now in my own best interest. To see it all with brand new eyes and a realization that even someone you look up to and respect is still just a person.

I am happy to have had all the talks and insight however and now I see what not to do in life.

The most successful people in business understand that business is not just business, it's about relationships. The end in this relationship shows me that feeling, and pushed me to remember that when I enter any working relationship.

I now ask myself:

  • Am I entering this relationship or conversation to listen? Or am I doing it to gain something?

  • Am I meeting my clients concerns or my own?

  • Am I listening to understand?

  • Can I actually offer something to this client or should I send them somewhere else?

  • Are both parties understanding the relationship? Are we both clear on our roles and what we offer?

This experience has offered me the opportunity to focus on what is actually important. So I can continue my work and my personal life with integrity. I hope that if you have had a similar experience in any relationships, you are able to review the parts to learn from and the parts to discard.

I wish everyone a fresh start.

New years is "just a day" on a calendar-true. But it doesn't have to be. You really can choose anytime to start over, so why not now? Why not you?

With that I send everyone love and wishes for a prosperous and bright year ahead.

Here is to 2024!

-Brianne




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